The answer!

In the 5 minutes of rest before this post I've found the answer. Let's do what the yanks do and have a 21 age limit. Oh yeah, that doesn't work either- just turns them in to pot smoking hippies. Cheaper and easier to get hold of!

The answer- live in Sweden. We have an easy source of strong 8% beers, yet 99% less bar fights and 100% less chavs. Sorted.

Strong beer

The problem with British news is that it's always about petty bollocks and social problems, meaning the only way to get involved in a conversation about it is to have a moan. And so it begins.....

Apparently the country (not quite sure who this includes) is outraged at a new, incredibly strong beer. Named Tokyo from the BrewDog company, its ABV is a tipsy encouraging 18.2%. First thoughts are oh my God, how outrageous, this evil company promoting teenagers getting drunk, encouraging more fighting and all the social problems associated with alcohol.

Well guess what? The alcohol problems in the UK are not steming from a strong bottle of beer. It's a disgraceful social thing, which promotes alcohol to the highest stature. We don't all get pissed every night, we don't get completely off our rocker when we do have a few, it's not an excuse to use to randomly start fights, domestic abuse and drive our cars in to each other.

It's a choice. We don't have to eat junk food, smoke, cheat, steal, lie....but the breakdown of everything that is decent leads to these paths. Do stupid people smoke? Well not entirely true of course. What is true though, is when these 'innocent' people have the most painful chemotherapy for their malignant lung cancer, the 'oh I wish I hadn't have smoked' springs to mind. Clever...erm no. Do the unintelligent eat fast food? Well correlations exist, but causality is not the same as an association. Do rich men like the colour red? Well yes, probably because of the ferrari sitting on the drive. It's a nothing connection, but I just want to put my point across.

Now consider this. There is only limited production of this beer. Only 1000 bottles are being sold in the UK. It will not be stocked in pubs, no kegs, very difficult to get hold of. Its 10 quid for a 330ml bottle and has the same alcoholic content as a bottle of wine. So, is it worse you can pick up a 40% bottle of generic vodka for a fiver, or a bottle of wine for 2 quid. Or try and get hold of a very rare brew indeed? Is this independant brewer the pure evil and shit conjurer they are made out to be? Well does the mainstream brewers give a shit about the social effect and pressure they put on British people. They drive the production of beer, to keep the average thug, bold, tatted up chav drinking his 1.30 pint of Carling and keep him happy. Whats worse?! You can pick up cans of beer for 30/40p from supermarkets, allowing pissy little teenagers to have their thrill and this brewer is the downfall of UK society? Erm... figure that one out.

It's just another blame game situation, where the government won't address the problem. Education is the word I'm looking at. I know it's not good, both for my mental and physical state to drink 10 pints. But does Mr. football supporting dumbass know the same?! Erm... questionably. The thought of 'avin' a larf' outweighs the hangover in the morning.

I haven't tried this 'outrageous' beer. I'm sure it actually tastes like shit. The other BrewDog beers (of which some are sold in Sweden- probably easier to get hold of than in Shitland) are pretty good, so kudos for making nice tasting drinks. That's really it for me, it's not about spending my hard earned money to see how drunk I can get and piss it up a wall (sometimes the toilets aren't big enough, right?!).

What do the yanks say? That's my 2 cents or something stupid like that.

While I'm at it, have you seen BSM (British School of Motoring) has ditched Vauxhall (Opel in Europe) for Fiat! Haha, good choice retards. They are now driving those awful Fiat 500's. Let's see how long it takes for these terribly made Italian heaps to break down (ask J's brother!!). Nice one, BSM by definition was supposed to drive only British made cars. Ok, that's stupid considering basically there is no choice now, there are not many British cars to choose from. I'd recommend the Noble M15 (look it up!) or a Mini...oh no, sorry the Germans have got that one.

Ok, one more! Did you see BP's (the petrol giant) profits are down 53% this second quarter compared to last year. Tragedy I hear you cry? Well they've only made 1.9 billion pounds! Ahh, poor oil tycoons, come and have a drink with me in England.

My Holiday

I wish I wouldn't have to write things from memory- everything gets distorted and the puzzle gradually changes. I just wanted to mention our little holiday break, but my sieve like memory may leave some holes/jumps in the writting! Forgive my disjointed approach.

Anyway, holiday did arrive! It's been a tough slog since I started in the lab in late October in 08, but that time of year comes around when even Professors get some time off! Not saying I'm a professor, more that it means I get to follow in their footsteps! While my Prof gets 5 weeks off, I'm almost my own boss now, so I've had the last 2 weeks off.

There was no chavtastic holiday to Spain, Turkey, Egypt etc just a week or so, a week and a bit actually, where Johanna grew up (well a mixture of Tibro/Skövde), Göteborg and a trip to Skagen in Denmark.

I'm not going to bore you with the details, but in a word, that word being awesome, can best describe our time. It was the first time I drove our new car in another country (we took the 3 hour ferry to Frederikshavn from Göteborg). Skagen is the northern most point of Denmark, basically where the Baltic meets the North Sea, or more correctly the Kattegat meets the Skagerrak. Needless to say, its a beautiful beach place, where the seas meet, which apparently causes some catastrophies- namely shipwrecks including beaching, sinking etc.

Interestingly, the area is fortified by German WWII bunkers around the beach, which up until recently were going to be removed (well obviously because the whole Nazi theme doesn't sit too pretty with everyone), but now have become a tourist attraction. They are mostly ruined anyway, but I personally think they are of huge interest- as with these things, to visualize yourself back in the day is actually quite frightening.


History lesson over. Denmark (well our representation of the country by this little place) is for Swedes at the moment, very expensive. The Danish:Swedish crown is 1:1.4. This wouldn't be so bad, but the prices are basically the same in Sweden as Denmark e.g. a beer is 30kr...but now its actually above 42kr (in Swedish). As we are poorer than church mouse (look it up) it means despite saving some wonga for the trip across, we couldn't really splash out. It's not a case of being tight arses (I mean we have a new car, flat...the works), it's more a case of actually having no money left!! I'm still looking for that money tree....I know it's here somewhere.....

What did get my attention over there is the giant beers they have....seriously, Johanna told me she reckons they are 1litre. So despite no money and driving, it wasn't really an option. It would be embarassing going out in Denmark, you know 'I had a heavy night last night....' 'How much did you have to drink?' '2 beers'....haha, lightweights! It also wouldn't be that bad, but all they seem to drink is piss water Carlsberg.....probably not the best beer in the world.

What else? Well we saw Transformers 2. Ok, not something to shout about may be? I thought it was quality actually. Yes, it's probably the boy in me (no Michael Jackson jokes now), and Johanna was impressed, you know the love story (no not between the robots!) etc.

During our little outing, we managed to sleep in the back of our car: not too bad indeed, quite spacious! We also tented it up. Not so crazy I hear you say. Just ask Johannas choice for pitching our tent (again, no dirty thoughts you buggers). What could be worse than next to a grave yard? Try a specific cholera graveyard : ) (we didn't drink any local water!)

Probably the best moment, arguably, was our encounter with a 14 week old bernese mountain dog. We probably havent seen a fluffier, cuter dog! Appropriately named Simba, I literally had to drag Johanna away- the 'last cuddle' was neverending. We tried to steal it, but no can do I'm afraid (I'm kidding, really). Patience is a virtue (apparently) and we shall be expecting our little (well massive) puppy earlyish next year.

There's no doubt more to say, I've probably missed something blindingly obvious. Not important, but I recieved my first pay check as a PhD the other day....some pennies in the bank at last!! Erm.....yeah, ok. I'll stop there. I'm just watching the Man U vs some Asian team reply, the one they win 8-2 against. The funny thing is the commentator, he's so good- he basically says all these stupid phrases all the time, and I swear is making up random names for the Asian players, Cheese fon du, Dum Gai....etc etc. It reminded me of Alan Partridge and his commentary on The Day Today, pure genius:

Another football retard

Just briefly, as these nob head 'superstars' seem to always make the news, for whatever reason. Are they 'better' than 'normal' people or more important or even interesting? No, no and erm no.

I just had to laugh after apparently Micah Richards, a useless England footballer, has contracted swine flu. His statement regarding his own thoughts about what was going on:

"At first I thought it was a really bad chest infection, or maybe alcohol poisoning. I felt so weak I couldn't move or eat."

What a f*****g retard. May be alcohol poisoning?! What numpty can't tell the difference between swine flu, as in normal flu symptoms and alcohol poisoning. Secondly, why are these supposed athletes always getting pissed? and to the extent where they think they have alcohol poisoning?!

Football should be salary capped, as in £5.50 an hour, yup minimum wage. I've got more talent and intelligence in my left nut than most of these chumps.

Decision made

Well today I signed my life away. Okay, it's not as bad as it sounds. What I really did was sign my PhD contract, so officially I am still a student, haha. Seriously, it feels odd but in an exciting way: It's a job for one. Not a very well paid, incredibly long hours and brain consuming, but still a job.

Sweden is just awesome. Don't get me started on my England thoughts! Yes, I may be a bastard immigrant over here, but I don't feel half as a minority as I do in England.....sorry, it keeps coming back to loathing that hole.

Since really living over here I've taken a step back in this initial judgement we all have: First thoughts about places/people that spring to mind are hard to stop. What thoughts conjure up when I say American? Is it a burger chomping obnoxious fatty? or Muslim? Do you assume 'terrorist'? Well the media propaganda machine is working overload, but don't listen to any of that gob shite.

'Sweden?'

So what do you think? An early twenty-something (or older) may say something about porn.....most would say blonde, blue eyes, like 8ft tall (?). Many older people (Ok men mostly) may say Volvo, Saab, of course Abba. Most young folk would forcefully say Ikea.

One thing that really gets on my tits are people who immediately say 'Oh Sweden is sooo expensive'. In a word no.

To break a trend and this gossip garbage, yes Sweden is full of blondes, full of Volvos, Ikeas, meatballs....but it is not what the penny pinchers assume, it is not sooo expensive. I think Brits are a funny bunch- A holiday is only a holiday if the place you visit is cheap. If it isn't the chavtastic Spain etc trip, it's the Greece, Turkey....food poisoning places. If it costs the same as England or god forbid more, then 'oh that country is sooo expensive'. Take a look around. The credit crunch/depression has left the country cheap right? Erm....

Over here, I have a flat, a new car, etc etc (yes the bank of mum and dad has supported me no end), but this is this point. I could and would not have any of this if indeed this country was extortionate. I've touched on all these issues before so won't delve. Before you get put off about even considering a Scandinavian country, don't listen to anyone who says it's more expensive than Blighty (well except Norway! But why would you go there!!Kidding).

Sweden is a beautiful place, everything is totally comparable (in terms of price) with England. If you're going to go to Skiing, why not consider Åre or Sälen? France has big mountains, big egos, and if you want to mention expensive....... You can get a cheap flight, cheap accomodation, lift tickets are cheaper, food is cheaper, people are better looking......just a thought.

This post is totally disjointed, I don't have an underlying point, probably rambling because I'll be over here for probably another 5 years (at least). People ask if I am going 'home' over the summer. Well, to be perfectly honest I just have no incentive. Sorry to my friends and family but its true. I miss kayaking, golf.....erm....Marks and Spencers......may be Starbucks......I don't feel unsettled here, I have no regrets, I love my life and the people in it.

Swedes live by the 3 V's: Valp, Villa and Volvo. (Okay its a kind of joke, meaning Puppy, House and well Volvo). I have 2 of them (flat = sort of villa). I guess you get defensive about things you care about- when you don't really know how to get the feelings out, you just release whatever is there. So for England, I probably was once 'proud' to be English (I think!), which may be why I'm bitter?! Who knows. I probably get defensive about Sweden, for good reasons of course. May be it's a personal life bashing if people say negative things about this place. Yes I know I do EXACTLY the same thing about England, but I'm not meaning it against anyone personally, just my life/my thoughts. If you can get everything out of life in whatever place, then that's all that's important. England has played it's part for me- my education, everything (well almost) I know has come from there, so I probably shouldnt grill it too much. Lets just leave it at: it's definitely not as it once was.

Talk about a red herring (no Swedes it has nothing to do with Midsummer, Xmas etc etc)- I get side-tracked easily. Anyways my original point was hopefully in 4 or 5 years I'll be a 'doctor'. The 'valp' will be coming soon enough....

p.s. Not terribly exciting for anyone else, but me and Johanna have been together for three years now

p.p.s. I still feel the same way about her : )

p.p.p.s. Our Volvo is amazing!

p.p.p.p.s F**k you if you laughed at p.p.p.s : )