Swedes and tight tight trousers

If someone was to come up to you and offer you some jeans lets say, that fit around the waist, fit lengthwise but have one major flaw, that is they actually cut your balls off to the point where you now sound like a 10 year old school girl, have a sperm count way below par and make you look like a rampant homo, would you accept this generous offer? Well guess what folks, it seems everyone in Sweden has accepted this unsurpassed gift- wherever you look, masses of everyday people have these incredibly tight jeans on, admittedly on the ladies not too bad- after all I still don't think I've seen a fat Swede yet, but on men well that's something else entirely....not because sometimes you mistakenly stare at that nice arse and legs only to discover that nice arse and legs actually has something bulging downstairs and hasn't got boobs, but it just looks BLOODY AWFUL....ok, opinions are better kept to oneself sometimes, but how can the feeling that someone is squeezing your nads all day be nice? Baggy isn't always bad you know and I don't mean 'gangster' baggy, I mean 'let my blood circulate' baggy....this is one of the mysteries of life for me over here. I know us Brits are 'weird' because we have carpets everywhere in our house, we don't drink 14 cups of coffee a day and we don't like out of date pickled herring, but sometimes it's good to be different. With all this said and done, Johanna has overpowered me and I've turned slightly Swedish....no NOT the tight jeans, but may be the Grandad top...all I know is this, I'm definitely not going to win any fashion awards..........

P.S. I was doing my weather person impression

Sad September

I think this month has been one of the saddest on record yet....putting aside all the 9/11 bits, we seem to have lost a fair few legends, that ultimately didn't 'deserve' to leave us- Cliche as it sounds there is some truth in this. I think what annoys me the most about this tragic sphere we call Earth is with all the pain and suffering, brought about by mindless self obsessed idiots, that this so called 'fate' always seems to balance at a slightly off centre angle. I mean why can't the people who threaten to bomb the world, kill innocent people, destroy our way of life....you know what I'm getting at....actually get what's coming to them. May be they will....it seems the so called light at the end of tunnel is actually a myth, a false hope at best...or may be being cynical is the only light at the end of a very long tunnel.

So what do we learn from this....hmmm....tough call, I guess more cliche is in order and to go about life as if it was/is special....I don't know, say go to the gym when you can't be arsed, go for a walk in the rain, let the old granny out of a junction, smile, say hi to passers by, say thanks for even the smallest gesture...the list is endless, but the purpose is not. Even the smallest thing on this planet strives to become 'better' with one possible exception....humans....ok, may be the ones who succeed see this 'meaning' in life and may be there are some good people out there; so for those who we have lost recently, I believe should be placed on a pedestal- put up there with the greats, think about what they have achieved in their life....what do you want out of yours?


Jane Tomlinson- 43, raised over 1.75 million pounds for charity


Anita Roddick-64, founder of the Body Shop


Colin Mcrae- 39, first Brit to win World Rally Championship


Luciano Pavarotti, 71- possibly one of the greatest classical singing entertainers ever

We don't need to achieve excellence in order to make a change, even though this is a nice goal for many, the result in 'failure' is great though if this is your target, but for those people who are unhappy with life, if you only ever do one thing, just one thing...make sure you get inspired, what's the point otherwise?

I stand corrected

Good start to the Swedish lesson...as my darling girlfriend has pointed out to me....Jävlar does not mean 'f**k' it is just on a par with our f-word!!! You've been warned.

P.S. Start them young hey??!

Svenska here I come

Ok, as I have a Swedish girlfriend (Johanna), am in Sweden and everything is in Swedish, I thought I'd better try to speak the lingo (against my better judgement). Now this isn't as easy as it sounds, afterall the place where Johanna studies is called Gävle (yeah-vler) and for the unassuming tourist the world for f**k is Jävlar (yeah-vlar), so which cleverarse decided to name a town and a dirty word for shagging as the most similar sounding thing ever...I mean a deaf mute stands a better chance of hearing the difference. So when the security guard at the airport stopped me and opened my bags in Sweden, he asked where I was going and I said 'yeah-vler' or so I thought, he did say 'what?' very quickly afterwards, so I'm guessing I didn't get it quite right...thats my inspiration for going to Swedish classes....!!

Please please please go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=She1zfDo8ys and also try lesson 1 if you can get it to work.....enjoy!

Alter Bridge

For those who have no idea about music...no James Blunt isn't talented, neither is Rihanna or hmmm...no sorry can't name any other current bands as they are beyond as the Swedish would say 'skit'....slightly similar to an English word starting with 's' and ending with 't'. Any way, just to educate a few lost souls out there, Alter Bridge are a 'rock' band, meaning they have a bass and a guitar, no Cold Play, Razorlight, Travis and every other exactly the same sounding Indy type band are not 'rock'...they are 'crap' (I'm moaning again,hehe). Where was I?.....ah yes, Alter Bridge formed after Creed, from which the lead singer was dumped (too much alchol, same old story) and replaced by the most amazing singer Myles Kennedy. The talent is not limited there, but probably the mortar amongst the bricks is the legendary Mark Tremonti, who is the best guitar player there has ever been....officially. A new album is beconing and for those who haven't heard an Alter Bridge song, go to youtube and look for 'open your eyes' or 'in loving memory' or just 'Alter Bridge'! Erm...my master plan was to put the song on here but it doesn't work- b******s! Next option is go to www.youtube.com and type in the search 'alter bridge rise today'....easy as pie.

Ok...I know you are lazy so here is 'Open Your Eyes' with the proper video. Here is 'In Loving Memory' with some random video (it's the song that counts)

Films galore!!

As a tax dodging, pennyless, bone idol student (oh yes, if anyone else says 'you've never done an honest days work in 23 years' again, I will kill them) you get some downtime (not much, believe me) so after this wonderful invention called the internet (no it's not just used for email and porn....but they are fringe benefits I guess) and with the aid of some computer minded friends, I have managed to watch the Simpson's Movie, Spidey 3 and Knocked Up for starters...all classic films. No I'm not going to do a review or any of that malarcky as I'm not some dictator telling you what to think...but if I may say something on a sore spot at the mo; yes the Madeline McCann thing, just imagine if it was a typical Mum in England (sorry Kim, you aren't in this category) but single, about 15, owns multiple pairs of Reebok classics, likes getting high and drunk, has 3 boyfriends, thinks 'The Sun' is advanced reading material and gets a quid a week from the government (yeah I wish) was to 'lose' her baby/kid...would the rest of the world be giving little Chav Mum an ounce of sympathy...think 'lynching' wouldn't be far from what people would be thinking. So that's my little moan, something us Brits, men in general and probably just me is very good at doing. But, I'll try to put a smile on that face of yours, by getting you involved in the Simpsons....officially one of the best programmes ever, Homer we salute you!!!

Just trying to put a picture of me on here! Sorry for the delay in news!

Sorry for the lack of update on this thing...bet its really not too exciting, been busy studying and seemingly writing an endless amount of notes on stuff I did 5 years ago...must be getting old coz damn it's hard to remember stuff. So I'll just leave this post here and talk about something good on the next one.