Mine and Johanna's new car

As it's going to start to snow, be -60 degrees, be over run with husky dogs and igloos soon I thought it would be a good idea to invest in a little car to offer me some sort of protection from the elements, as my knee is fecked to ride a bike and there's only so many layers of clothes you can put on to keep oneself warm when walking. After much debate, yes we are getting one. Below is a picture of our new baby....I'll post an actual photo of it when we get it this weekend....fantastic, this place is really starting to feel like home....



Obviously this isn't our actual car.....think the Kalos number plate gives it away....besides ours is 5 doors too, haha eat that you 3 doored imposter.

p.s. it's a 4 litre, V8 300 BHP Chevrolet Kalos....I might have exaggerated that a touch, more like 1.2, 72 brake beast....still quicker than my last car.....how sad is that!!

If at first you don't succeed, don't bother trying again

Well I haven't written on here for a while, but just thought I'd mention a couple of things that happened to me today. For those who don't know, I've started my new course so I'm with another almost completely different set of people, from all walks of life and places, people from Germany, USA, Canada, France, Switzerland, Bulgaria, Sweden, India and China of course. I'm in the lab pretty much every day, which is kinda cool as it keeps me busy and interested instead of a battering of lectures (I get that as well!). The first thing that isn't particularly exciting or funny in the comedy sense, but talk about 'it's a small world'........

It started with my flight over here, way back in August, I came over with Johanna, sat next to the window, Johanna next to me and the third person is of interest here, who was next to Johanna. Now midway through the flight, he pulls out an International Masters Degree at Uppsala booklet out, ok....I mean that by itself is very funny, just happen to get on a flight with a guy who's going to Uppsala

Oh but there's more.....I think I was in one of those moods because I couldn't be arsed to chat to him....I mean his subject is probably art or some pointless, conversation killing subject anyway right?

So I turn up after a few days to do a bar crawl in town with all the other Masters students, we are split up in to groups (as there was a few of us!) and guess who bloody turns up.....yup, Mr. fly on the same plane as me.....again, I didn't talk to him as he was in another group and I didn't see him later that night anyways.

About a week later, there I am, just finished a lab so incubating some bacterial plates and guess who is in the bloody 37 degree room......yup Mr plane man again!!! I have a small chuckle to myself and this time, we look at each other kinda like...hmmm....I so know I've seen you before. The worse thing was, it was just me and him in this room...bearing in mind is about half the size of a typical elevator.

Ahh but wait....so on this new course as I said before, you get every walk of life, which is a great way of networking and experiencing other cultures almost first hand as you don't need to fly there! Anyway....I turn up for my first lecture the other day, sitting there unpacking my bag, waiting to see who else is in my class etc....I turn around to have a quick gaze at the class and guess who the f**k was sitting there?! Yep.......

....I was sitting at lunch today with some of the guys from this course, just chatting away and getting to know one another, then this random plane man stranger pulls up and chair and sits down....ok, it's time we'd better say something to each other......Well turns out this guy is on a Biochemistry course of all things, is French (that's why......I could sense something was wrong with him...haha...just kidding) and called Ben!!

He also remembers me from the plane of all bloody things, we have a little chat, seems a nice guy....it's definitely a small world!!

The moral of this story is be nice to strangers on planes: you might be working in the same lab as them in the future, haha. I wasn't lying when I said it wasn't too interesting, but what a coincidence, that's all I can say.

The second thing, which I will keep short for the purposes of taking too much time to read involves the outcome of my lab today. We cultured some mutated E. coli strains void of a DNA damage repair mechanism...exposed it to UV light, made serial dilutions and plated these...I get the plates back and turns out every single plate has been taken over by fecking Staphylococcus aureus, so instead of nice little milky colonies on the plate there are very white little dots too....not good. Bearing in mind most labs I seem to do don't work (through no fault of my own...just a crap design) my aseptic techniques to stop contamination are not too bad, so there's me thinking I've totally cocked this up. Long story short but every ones was the same!!! turns out the PhD students and lab techs can't culture E.coli for shit and they gave us contaminated samples....so another one on the list that didn't work.....One thing in science is that patience is definitely a virtue, so if at first you don't succeed....you probably won't ever!

Just to say hi

No I'm not dead, but very, very occupied, have lots to do so will update this as soon as I have a break between working and eating!! Vi ses for now....

How to make a woman happy

My dad sent me this

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

Or may be something like this....???

If I was a Simpsons character......

Had to give this ago......I bet I'd look something like this if I were a Simpsons character!

Again?!?!

I found another one of him.....Rich my friend, keep practising....next time go a little slower

Rich my bro in law is famous

How did they put a video of his on the net and not tell me??.......oh the dangers of snowboarding

These are my favourite sports

I'm very jealous.....no not because I'm English and our country is going down the pan, no not because we lost the rugby World Cup (we didn't stand a chance to qualify so to reach the final is an amazing feat by itself), have the worst health care system, government yadda yadda yadda, no it's because I'm sitting here (partly feeling sorry for myself....don't worry I'm not moping, just a tiny part of me) always keeping updated with things in the squash and snowboarding worlds....I've already posted these vids before, but I'm convinced no one watches them, I'll just give you a little glimpse of why I love these sports...one you run around like a nutter but is both mentally and physically challenging..well so is the other, to be at natures mercy is quality, to have ultimate freedom riding down whole mountains is more than fun....I thoroughly recommend trying both, you only live once right....check out some neat boarding skills and some quality squash (ok, the ball is hard to see, but you get the gist of it!)

A soppy message

So I'm sitting here after returning from a couple of days in Gävle with Johanna, I had a few days free as my first course (From genes to cells) has finished and I'm waiting to sit the exam on Monday. Just a quick note: I know I usually post 'meaningful' or 'funny' (Ok, I'm trying very hard to be funny but probably isn't really working) things, but now that I'm living in a 'foreign' country (which may be doesn't feel as foreign as it probably should-definitely a good thing!) I thought I'd just say a few things that do mean a lot to me.

Now, as people might know, I have a beautiful fästmö and I know it's early days in terms of seeing her friends but I haven't spent all that much time to get acquainted. So visiting Johanna this time around was up to its normally amazingness, I love spending time with J, so no surprises there. However this time, I spent a couple of hours on Friday night with 2 of her closest friends, Lina (who now owes me coz I did her washing....well sort of, haha)and Sandra. The only one was missing from their lovely quartet was Caroline, but I'm sure she (and the others really) had more interesting things to do (I bet it starts with a 'm' has an 'e' in the middle followed by a 'n'). The evening was nice and cosy, pizzas were made (yes, I had absolutely nothing to do with it...thanks ladies for that...the stereotypical lazy ass bastard of a man shines through) and alcohol was consumed. What was nice was having the chance to talk about stuff from a Swedish point of view....I mean I have a great opportunity with my degree of course (I now know the inner goings on of China for example!!) but its nice to know the thoughts and ideas of Swedish people, not just that of my lady.

So without boring you to death, I had fun and am glad I'm getting the chance to not only meet some lovely Swedes, but also Johanna's friends too. Since 'growing up'....ok, not really but you know what I mean....I've never been fussed what people think about me, I am my own person...yes of course we want to get on with people, especially those who are important to my love in particular (that's Johanna by the way, no not Ben and his mate Jerry or Snow and his bestest buddy boarding). Now, to me Johanna has got a really nice set of friends, even if they are man obsessed maniacs (I'm assuming that's normal for every female?!), I'm not 'trying my best' to get on with them, a falseness of pretending to like someone is not my thing, so lucky for me (or them) they seem all very nice and easy to talk to, hopefully something they might feel in time with me.

Of course Johanna is my life, but she also has a big part of hers made up from these 3 ladies in particular, so I'm happy she has people caring about her as much as I do. Hopefully in the upcoming future we can all chill out more, share more stories of men, shopping, sex and handbags (I'm so kidding!!), in the meantime, hopefully I'm not sending the message to Sweden (ok, just 4 young Swedish ladies) that English people are completely inept (ok, language learning skills yes....) and that we have a heart and aren't alcoholic, fat, tattooed, football loving, burger chomping, balding homo's....that's just the other 99% of the English male population......

Yeah, they look like trouble I know.....the 4 musketeers had to eat fancy food sometimes.

Women have to be the most bizarre creatures on this planet

Ok, before anyone gets any funny ideas about this being a dig at Johanna, no its not!! This came up as a topic of discussion about one of her friends. Me and J are absolutely fine and everything is tea and crumpets, fine and dandy, like peas and carrots.....toppen (in Swedish). Now the inner workings of the female mind is one of those mysteries of life, it absolutely boggling, its like a conundrum that cannot be cracked, put it this way-ive got more chance of having kids, winning the lottery and owning a house before I can truelly understand the fairer of the two sexes. Womens logic is indescribably strange, I mean understanding quantum physics makes more sense.

Now Im relating this to a long conversion that came up today, about the male and female sex and how our brains think so differently. Basically the whole point of the story is about whether a bloke can stay round a womens (who are both friends) and not have sex!! To the older generation this might be very clear cut, but the circumstances are not always as they appear. So hypothetically speaking, if a man was to sleep round a womens, why does womens logic automatically assume something is going to happen. Would their thoughts change if it was a dude sleeping at another dudes place....yes of course it does. So Johanna interestingly said these 2 senarios are totally different, but I have to disagree.

I mean if I hypothetically go out at night, cant be arsed to go home and stay at a females place, is it an issue? For many women, the answer is yes....I just cant see logic in this. There seems to be a harsh jealousness and a severe sore spot in this grey area. Turn it on its head.....whats worse, a bloke going on holiday to Ibiza or somewhere crap with all the lads, getting pissed, eyeing up anything with a pulse, getting egged on by his mates to sleep with the next tramp that walks past OR this same man going out with a good female friend (bearing in mind both are taken, have been mates for ages and really have no sexual interest in each other at all, for example) and having a few drinks?

Why does womens logic assume something is going to happen? This is an ongoing debate really, the question is "why would you want to go out with another women when youve got me?" comes up (again, not specifically with me and J, but generally) as possibly the worst question ever!! I mean, are men not allowed female friends? Apparently not, apparently the only reason for this is because they have the intention of sleeping with them!! Yeah thats logic, because its so much easier to go to all the effort to befriend someone, spend countless hours with them, pretending to like them as a friend, only to want to give them your 6 inches of loving!! Just get hammered, go to England, pick the women showing her bits (so pretty much anyone!) and bump uglies...its far easier...but apparently for women, there has to be some psychological issues related to having opposite sexed friends.

I mean theres no problem with a man sleeping over at another mans, because they arent gunna have bum fun are they? so why is it logical just because a man and woman can do something, they will? It truelly blows my mind when people think this. I asked J how many men staying over at womens she knew that ended up having sex that really shouldnt have....especially after the comment of "thats just what people do"....guess how many....yup a big fat zero. So where do we get these ideas from? It feels like women arent content to just accept you can be friends with the opposite sex and have no interest in them in that sense. Acceptance of this would make life a lot easier!! Trust me!! You shouldnt look for something that isnt there.

So ladies....I say "ladies" because of my convo with J about "all her female friends" please see the other side of the story, remember if you dont, you might be turning into a mini Hitler, he couldnt see that Jews were/are human beings (and look where that got him), in the same way that not all men, just randomly want to shag all their female friends...logic my dears, seems to be lacking in that thing called your brain...so please please stop having these crazy ideas...lets start by not watching desperate housewives and putting a little faith in your fellow man......

p.s. remember this has not happened with me and J, we DO NOT argue about this or is it a problem....so for those who are panicing that me and J have had a big arguement, trust me we are happy as larry and this is purely for interests sake.

Popliteus tendonitis

Sounds like fun doesn't it? Ok...this is the verdict of my knee problem. Now, I went to the doctor knowing full well I have tendonitis in my right knee, it doesn't need 6 years of medical training to type 'knee pain' in google...or does it?! The checkup was quite thorough, my doctor put my knee in lots of positions etc, checking for anterior/posterior cruciate ligament damage (centre of knee) and medial/lateral collateral ligaments (on the outside of the knee), even though I'd already told her this was not the case, I know some people who have torn these ligaments, and even with the result having long term effects, the actual tear is not as bad (physically) as you'd imagine, for example when people do their ACL's, there is a popping sound, then it isn't like your knee collapses and your leg drops off, it's more of an ache....So no my knee hasn't dropped off, even though right now, that's probably more useful to me. Injury for me, yes it hurts, but mentally it hurts much more...I am an active person and not being able to exercise, play squash, run etc...even walk without looking like I've had anaesthetic jabbed in to my leg is very frustrating. My biggest concern is that my perfect winter of snowboarding and 'shredding the gnar' (gotta love those yanks) isn't going to happen. I mean I could spend winter hols sledging, but it isn't quite the same!! As my family (even my brother in law Rich...christ alive) are coming over for a ski trip over xmas up north (well actually in the middle of the country) in Sweden, my sis (Kim) is unfortunately going to have to bring Grace...and all I can say is there's no f**king way I'm looking after her.....I don't know (want to know more importantly) anything about babies, apart from they stink, they cry, they shit like there's no tomorrow, they roll over, put things in their mouths that can choke them to death, are never content, and are about as much fun as watching paint dry. So Kim, no funny ideas.....you too Rich


p.s. It really hurts when I walk on it.......kidding, not really my knee!! I'd have most definitely chopped it off if this was the case! Sod that for a game of chess.

Juggling

Yes, this does seem a random topic to post, but it's been a week since my last update and not a great deal has happened. I was perusing the net yesterday (there's a surprise I know) and stumbled across this video on boreme.com.

Skillful yes, lots of practise yes, pointless oh yes....quite entertaining I guess.

Bloody Women

So I was kindly showing what a gentleman I am, by surprising my fiancee by turning up tonight (at hers obviously), just to tell her I love her (ok, she cooks better food than me, has beer and TV but that's besides the point...plus you know..we can do certain things I cant do by myself...) The evening started off great, I mean I watched the Simpsons, blah blah etc, then the bomb dropped....no Johanna didn't have a paddy, have a moment, go shopping or wash her hair...no no, it was much worse than that.....she turned on bloody Desperate bloody housewives. God if there isn't anything more depressing...middle aged women, with no jobs/life, all have had plastic surgery to the point where there faces look like they are actually pulling 10G in a fighter plane and crap script writing...wow, what a combination. Well I'm glad Ill never have a life like that...no not that Ill become a woman, but have a mid life crisis. If I ever creep down that road, I will most definitely cut my balls off and move to Iraq....that will put my life in to perspective, things can only get better right. In the meantime, I found out the price I pay for getting engaged....they always say when you get married you never have sex again, but after this Johanna owes me.....

Choices choices

Not a very amusing post but for those who read this (few and far between I know) Ive just had to make my decisions for my course until the end of the first year...so just to let people know, I am going to study microbiology next term. After xmas Ill be studying immunology (second choice neurobiology), then finally molecular infection biology (with back up choice of functional genomics). I'm also doing a bioinformatics course too, so should keep me entertained, and of course continuing my Swedish course...jätte bra.

9 down 10 to go

So the stereotypes shall reign supreme for a while...no not that all French people are stinky, arrogant nancies or all women can't drive to save their lives (sorry bad example as this is truth, not stereotype) but the English in me is bringing out the alcholic tendencies. No, not that I get wrecked every night, that's what my Irish friend Padraic does (just kidding), but that I'm actually discussing beer etc on here. My update is a based on my love of Sam (no I'm not gay) and all 19 commercial available types of his lovely drink. So far on the list I have sampled the: Boston lager, Boston Ale, White Ale, Summer Ale, Octoberfest, Winter lager, Black lager, Hefeweizen and my latest edition, the Cream stout, which I purchased last night in the Uplands Nation bar. It was a lovely bottle, of roasted goodness. So for those who drink Carling, Bud, Carlsberg, Fosters or any other typical shite, I recommend a change of beer direction- I know Sam Adams is an American company and that nothing really good has ever come out of the States (ok...I'm kidding again...we love Disneyland/world) but you have to trust me on this one, its worth a try.....

Is it just me.....

....or is it not a surprise Marion Jones has been busted for drug use after winning her 5 medals (3 gold) at Sydney 2000? I mean christ alive she's got more muscles than a body building competition, she won by at least 90 metres in the 100m event. You'd definitely not mess with her down a dark alley and no, I have no sympathy for you. Why do we televise this steroid fest on TV? I mean it's not exactly challenging to see how may roids you can take, then leg it round a track....Lets ban athletics because it's rubbish, besides if you met Tyson Gay in a bar (he'd be the one with the needle in him arm, snorting coke too) it wouldn't be very interesting convo would? 'Hi, what do you do for a living?' 'I run for 10 seconds everyday a get paid millions in government funding to support my drug habit'....has he not got the worlds easiest job?! So for those who are bored with their job, I offer you a career change....'athlete/drug dealer'

My Top 3 Songs

We all listen to music (well some of us do...some of us listen to shite) so thought a good idea is to just let you know what my top 3 songs are. Now this decision was about as easy as reversing an articulated lorry, so slightly challenging...at least for spot number 3. So in reverse order....

3. InMe- In Loving Memory
2. Trapt- Lost Realist
1. Alter Bridge- Open Your Eyes

Those who just missed out: Alter Bridge- In loving memory, Greenwheel- The End, Goo Goo Dolls- Iris, 30 Seconds To Mars- Saviour, 3 Doors Down- Away From The Sun/Here Without You...you get the idea. So for all those who listen to ABBA and Ace of Base or any new British music for that instance....time for change. Put it like this: If you could personally write and perform a better song (not including musicians/singers here) than whats in the charts....i.e. every song....then please don't listen to it, coz it's shite.

P.S. I'm not going to put links on this time, go find stuff yourself you lazy gits

World's Best Lager 1990

I recently went to the System Bolaget in town in Uppsala and with a wide selection of fine wines, beers and spirits, I ventured over to the ales/random weird beers section. Did my eyes deceive me or did I spot an absolute gem....yes folks, the Worlds Best Lager from 1990, that's right 'Original Crocodile'. How could I resist such a tempting offer?! Well after a few hours of mouthwatering potential goodness ready for my taste buds, the time came when I opened the little beauty....

....did the writing on the can justify this award?

Did it f**k?!! With all that promise...I mean 1990 man, what a year....the 49ers won their 4th Superbowl. McDonald's in Moscow opened, I turned 7, West Germany won the World Cup, Iraq invaded Kuwait to start the Gulf War, East and West Germany unified in October, the Super Nintendo was released in Japan and Original Crocodile won the Worlds Best Lager award. Now all of these are amazing things, with the beer probably being the biggest stand out and noticable event.

So what have I learned from this? No 1990 wasn't that great at all....A beer company has lied to me, it wasn't the worlds best lager at all...I've been had, my naivety has led me down a path of lies, of deceit and torment, how could someone be so inhumane? The next time you go and buy a beer that says 'World's Best Lager 1990' on the can....just remember to question the enormity of its claim....if its made by Original Crocodile then it probably tastes like Carling...yes the gypsies beer of choice.



The other side of the can is in English, but don't be fooled by its beautiful exterior...there are lies and evil inside, my faith in animal named products has just been lost.

How good is this?

A very short one...was watching a Sky News clip on internet and it proved rather interesting, for a worldwide news channel it has a slight comedy edge...check this out

P.S. Obviously play the video!!

The athletic pursuit

So for those people who think I'm suddenly changing the subject, yes I am most definitely thinking about 'being engaged', like I said before, it is and it isn't a big deal, but more thoughts on that at a later date. For now, I was sitting here just pondering why squash players don't get any recognition for being arguably the fittest, most racket gifted athletes in the world. The stereotypical image has stained an absolutely amazing sport, but if we look at another, has managed to bypass this and remain one of the most viewed and participated sports in the world. Yes folks, golf.

Now having worked at a golf club and being good friends with a pro (Mr. Ben Kruze, no not my bro in law...he plays golf like he rides....see the picture from an earlier post...ok enough Rich bashing) I have had a lot of input from the golfers side. To the untrained eye, golf may literally seem a 'walk in the park'. We've all seen the big fat, old, barely alive men stroll round with little metal sticks, hitting a small ball in to a hole in the ground....in a nutshell. This could be backed up with the almost endless amount of cash the top guys earn.....I mean on the PGA tour, take career earnings from tournaments alone....number 886 on the list....yes number 886 (so very average), is Robert Rock who has earned in his career over $100,000!! So this begs the question if it's so damn easy, why aren't we all doing this 'simple' sport?

The answer is simple, if you've never played and see my point of view above, just do one thing: Go down to your local golf course and see if you can hit the ball...harder than you think right? You see, the term 'sport' is: an athletic activity requiring skill or physical prowess and often of a competitive nature...very ambiguous I know.

However for those who doubt it is an 'athletic activity' are grossly mistaken: Not only does the actual ball striking use lots of different muscle groups, but if we take an average course length, say 6500 yards (for non professionals), this equates to roughly 3.7 miles (or 5.9km)(remember as the crow flies). How many of you actually walk that far in a week, let alone a day? Realistically the length for us mere mortals will be in the region of 5-6 miles as we tend not to hit the ball straight!

So next time we see some big fat old bloke on the T.V picking up a cheque for a cool mill....don't judge him on the basis that he probably couldn't run a mile in 5 minutes, oh he'll get there, it might take a while, but he'll make it. Judge him based on the golf swing being potentially one of the most dynamic sporting movements our body can do. Golf may not seem a physical sport, but I can tell you this, mentally its up there with the toughest of things....there's more skill involved than eating rice with chopsticks and every shot is different: no the clubs are the same, the ball is the same, but next time it's pissing it down with rain, its cold, miserable and staying inside is the only thing to do, go play golf and tell me how easy it is.



Remember, looks can be deceiving....they may be fat, but they are also very skillful and mentally strong, we can also take Harry P for instance. How good does the cover look, amazing right? But trust me, you will be disappointed.