Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I know the weekend's long gone.....


....but I thought I'd briefly mention the happening on Sunday: We (well actually Johanna) impulsively decided to buy some tickets to watch Sweden vs Ukraine in Solna. Now thinking, wow, I get to see some 'World class' footballers, was something I'm not going to turn down. (Ok, the real reason was it was a better choice than revising right?)

All kitted up in our Sweden tops, we eagerly arrived in the scorching heat, to a sea of yellow. To cut a very long story short, Sweden lost 1-0, played averagely ok and should have won. My discussion is aimed at a couple of players: namely cockface...I mean Zlatan, predator minus the dreadlocks: Henrik, pretty nancy boy 'Chippen' and the Viking himself, 60 year old Olof Mellberg.

Now, most Swedes will probably disagree with me on this one, but Zlatan Ibrahimovic must share the same blood as Mr. Beckham, Rooney, Lampard etc because they are all friggin scarily over-rated. For some weird reason, Zlatan appears to be some sort of God over here. Honestly, I can't see why....in any way, shape or form.

He ended up winning man of the match in this particular game: but you do have to question one thing- was the nobhead who decided this actually watching the same game?!

I think his name grossely salvages his performance all the time. I mean he did ABSOLUTELY nothing. Being 6ft 5, you would think he could be like old sparky himself (the great Mark Hughes for those who don't know), that is to say, be able to hold up the ball. Oh no....

He missed two, potentially three absolute sitters, that even a retarded midget with a broken leg could have put in the net. Every time he had the ball fed in to him, he decides to randomly flick it to anyone. I mean Christ alive you are retarded: someone needs to tell him he's the furthest player up the pitch and unless he can backheel the ball from about 40 yards in to the top corner, then don't bother!!

One of my real 'beefs' with him is his sheer laziness. He waits for the ball, creates absolutely no space for anyone or himself and never ever chases it down. So frustrating.....ahem, mentioning no names (lets just say it's the whole England team).

Who's next....erm, the so called Chippen or Christian Wilhelmsson. What to say oh what to say. Considering this guy is supposed to be like shit off a shovel, he's pretty lame. Someone needs to punch his pretty little face and tell him to pass to a guy wearing a yellow shirt....I'm sure he just had a bad day.....

Well I'm not going to moan about everything. Two players who were very good were Edward and Eric. You think I'm joking but Edward Henrik Larsson and Eric Olof Mellberg, were the optimy of hard work.

Larsson it has to be said is a legend. This prehistoric striker (ok I'm kidding, he's 36) has a marvellous ability to not only chase the ball, score goals (ok, not today) and work like a horse (or something). Zlatan needs a lesson or twelve off this boy: he actually has a brain and uses it to create space- one thing that is vitally important for a striker. Although his pace might be a touch slower, his awareness and determination are second to none. I joked that he'll need a zimmer frame to play in Euro 2008 but I eat my words. I hope he starts, I really do. Sweden NEED him.

Another lege is Olof Mellberg: After buying the travelling away Villa fans 3000 T-shirts as a farewell present, he buggers off to Juve. At the ripe old age of 30, he's showing no signs of tiring: def a sturdy rock at the back. If only he wasn't ugly, uneducated, shite and overpaid (well kinda) then I'm sure him and Rio would get on like a house on fire and Capello would be eating out of his arse. This boys got composure too, several times calmly taking it round the Ukraine strikers.....he needs to give Zlatan a tip or two also.

Well this post is far too long, I've had my moan and my appraisal. If I was Sweden manager (yes it could happen, I've picked up a lot of friendly banter from the AIK match....you know, 'you're mothers a whore' and all that: perfect for my abuse towards the other teams) I'd get rid of Zlatan, put in ugly bastard old man, Marcus Allback (no not nancy Elmander- he goes down like he's been shot), tell them to constantly give the ball to Henrik and Olof and wait for the resulting victories........job done I say.