PhD or not to PhD, is it really the question?

Not that I am really thinking about this, but time flies indeed. It won't be long until June comes around and I'm done with my Masters. This begs the question (which seems to be frequently asked at Uni) what to do after: job or PhD (or neither I guess?!)

To me, a job sounds the right course of action. However the main problem for me (no it's not the Swedish I don't think) is the fact I do biology for one, so there aren't any jobs and the second biggy is this whole global recession is pretty shite so no-one seems to be hiring.

That doesn't leave too many options, but one is the dreaded PhD route. I know you don't just do a PhD for the sake of doing one because it just won't happen, I mean you will just fail, simple as.

The PhD students I talk to laugh (in that kind of truthful way) when I tell them 'I hear no-one enjoys their PhD'....enough said. So why do it? Well there's no main reason, amongst them include being very interested in biology and having the scope to study whatever I want (almost!). I'd do anything to stay over here is on the list (well just not to be in England) too. I mean you get paid to do it, yes it's not a fortune, but you gain experience (and the list of reasons to do a PhD) at the same time. I'll be Dr. Thorpe, that will be a first in the family : ) (Ok, not a very valid reason).

I know some of my friends here are destined to do a Phd, I know the struggles and problems many have encountered during their time. It could go horribly wrong, but so can everything else in life right? If you don't take the chance you'll never know. I've got a while before I need to think about it for real: at least 4 years of pain and suffering (!) or try oh try for the dreaded 'j' word....yes, job.

Wow, what more can I say

There aren't many moments in life that take our breath away, today however almost did. Probably because the only day that I didn't want to be stuck in the lab was today of all days, yet guess what? I've just got in (6.45pm)! However I'm not overly disappointed, in fact the opposite.

Crazy you may say? But, as it's been snowing all day again, the whole place is covered: literally the paths have knee deep snow, the trees are white, parked bikes have 8 inches on their seats, its all beautiful. The walk (to and) from where the lab is today almost took my breath away: There's a dim lit path through the forrest, covered in snow: the air is chilled, there's no-one around, I occasionally lose my footing in the cross country ski tracks: there's an absolute sense of peace.

Im actually very surprised and taken by it all. May be the lack of energy due to immense hunger is partly to blame! May be I've come to expect rain on my birthday as November is the crappiest month! But really, walking down the quiet roads, as everyone is already home, seeing white everywhere, the occasional person shovelling their drives, it's just something I've not seen in day to day life (except my snowboard seasons of course!). Remembering the last time I was knee deep in snow on my birthday? Erm......not sure if it's actually ever happened.

25

Age really is but a number. There's a whole bunch of life quotes that summarize what it's all about and the point really is the importance of what you do in life. Success is a personal 'thing': I set goals for myself and have characteristics in my personality that I want to keep or strive to become 'better at' (well lose some as well!). I want to be able to live my life and take pride in what I do. I wish the only thing stopping me is my imagination: to some extent this is very true.

As with 99% of people, we use money as a source of the excuse why we don't 'live', but this is only a part of the greater picture. People with money don't necessarily do anything with their lives: having the biggest tv does not mean you have something I'm envious of: as we've always said before, you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning and money isn't it. I recently heard again the old teacher thing when they ask to kids 'what job would you do if you had a million pounds?' The answer should be exactly what we want to be so we shouldn't be swayed by anything but an interest, pure motivation.

With every event or achievement I take off the list, I add a new one. The beauty with life, is that there's not limits, no-one really is your boss except yourself. Ok, we pay the bills etc, but the real freedom and decisions are made you and you alone. Our working life can be merely a slight inconvience (for those that dislike what they do) to our ultimate goal, or may be not. May be people use having a shitty job (in their eyes) as an excuse for the rest of their life: 'oh I can't do this and this because of work...blah blah'. I don't want to be like that.

So what if I'm 25 and still finding my way. I know what my interests are and that if I can't work in that job I really want to do, I'll make the most of whatever work I get. My point isn't about work, it's more the obstacles (as in work..may be!) that we overcome and the ones that arrise because of the challenges and goals we set. Life if for living, age is only a number, work like sleep dominates our lives so pick something you like doing. Be motivated, dare to dream, keep raising the bar until it's all over.

Winter Jam

What could be better in Novemeber than snow and snowboarding? Well normally over the years, I've definitely come to expect clouds, rain, wind, shite. However this year has been very different. With only 2 days from my birthday the rain has not yet imposed itself, but I am not holding my breath for too long!

Today has been a great day. There has been around 2 inches of snow from last night, leaving the whole place a glowing white. With today not wanting to be outdone by yesterday, we've had another inch or so. One word, awesome. So picture the snow, picture a fresh couple of degrees below zero, a drive to Stockholm in the snow with heated car seats, to arrive to a busy stadium where this years Winter Jam was taking place. Oh yes indeed.

The Winter Jam is a competition of mainly boarders and skiers over quite a big jump:

As skiing sucks balls, we watched the finals of the boarding. So up stepped the big guns, namely Stefan Gimpl, Antti Autti, Risto Matilla. After a solid combined score from 2 out of 3 jumps, our winner prevailed- Janne Korpi, yes another Fin. I took a few shots of the action, so have some inspiration for a few weeks before the official season at 'our' mountain.

How to top up this then? Erm...hard task, but when I got home, Johanna bought some dinner to celebrate my birthday (yes no not now I know but she's not here on Monday!), topped up with some Sam Adam's (my almost homo lover) and chillaxing = all in all, a very satisfied me.

In brief then: We're working hard on our apartment downstairs, trying to get the 6 layers of wallpaper off etc. I get my last course exam results, a shocking 2 months later for the 1st exam (useless course organiser indeed), so we shall see about that. Lab is going well. My birthday present from Johanna is a trip on new years eve to the ice bar in Stockholm (drinks included of course). The snow is here, as I said, gunna do some sledging me thinks. One last thing that is almost sexual is the attachment for the wii fit board as part of Shaun White snowboarding:

Yes I know I'm a sad bastard, but hey, if standing on a plastic mini snowboard pretending I'm cool is sad, then I'll just have to live with it. One day it'll be mine, one day.......

Gossip

There's probably one thing that I can't stand in this whole World; gossip. Ok, there's more than one thing, but that is the topic of this post. Religion to me hasn't taught me much, apart from using it as an excuse to kill someone (not something I've personally done mind you) etc etc (yes, that was a bold statement, but I'm in one of 'those' moods), yet I found a Jewish proverb that really sums up what I want to say here: 'What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth'. All I can say to that is 'too true'!!

Living away from it all, i.e. not England for some time, whether it was in the states, up north in England (yes that is another World too) or over here I recieve emails from friends and family etc and depending on the context I try to connect to it in some way. I 'read' the Sky news reports online, but they are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine: they report with grammar and spelling errors, let alone half arsed stories: so what is one to believe? Well history is one big biased passage of time. Only the people that ever succeeded wrote history, otherwise it wouldn't exist! So if every history book is a biased account that has been falsified to fit an image or personal thought for who it affects, what should we believe? My point here? Well this is it. Im not sure if Swedes have a saying 'straight from the horses mouth' but gossip can happen unintentionally- we all percieve things differently and like chinese whispers, we tell the next person with a slight word change, they change another then job done, the whole point is changed.

I say this because things happen with friends and family that are completely independent of everyone, yet people's names for example get drawn in to this distorted picture, where 'so and so said this'.......etc etc. Now it is like being back at school when 'Sven said he doesn't like you' so now tell Sven 'I don't like him' when the cheeky fucker passing the message on is the shite stirrer themself!

I guess we all let gossip in some way or another affect us. After all most of our knowledge is based in this way: we read, we observe, we hear stories etc. There aren't many people who 'have been there' when the accounts were made etc (besides we bias when we see anyway!). May be this is a strength of human character: the belief in things, i.e. to trust other people or information. May be it creates weakness in the form of naivity. Who knows.

I believe there are some things to take with a pinch of salt and may be some to think about a little more. If its ever a 'she or he said...' (especially as a negative) then please please ignore it. The person saying it has more than likely twisted the hell out of it to their advantage, rendering it completely untruthful (yes lots of 'its' I know). Remember if you don't hear it from the actual person then don't assume there's anything in it!! (confront the person, then beat the crap out of them for being a twat.....ok don't really, even if you want to)

3 Doors Down

Although it's been a while (well only a week to this day), I just wanted to mention how good the 3 Doors Down concert was! Most people (well not yanks of course) may not know who they are, but I guarantee you know a couple of their songs. Despite the southern accent (they are from Mississippi) a lot of 'thank you my friends' (picture with a very heavy accent) the booming guitar, the crazy hairy drummer and a whole bunch of songs together created an entertaining evening.

The similar theme of the lyrics can be percieved as life lessons: I dont want to get really 'deep' but a lot of their songs (as with most rock ones) are about the female species screwing the males over. Ok, life lesson you ask? Well titles like 'let me be myself' pretty much hit the nail on the head. The whole intensity when you are there and the singers voice at times made my hairs stand up on end, definitely a sign for me that they really are a great band!

If you've never heard of them, go check them out. In the States, they are probably percieved as a common run of the mill rock band, but everywhere else they appear to be 'underground', regardless, their music is still good (they've sold over 15 million albums, so can't be too bad).

Getting me in the rock spirit, I come home thinking I can play guitar- well one made of plastic, with 5 brightly coloured buttons and no strings, yep I am talented indeed:

Well this leaves me time to talk about what else has happened since that fab night- well not a great deal. I've been working hard in the lab, trying to understand all the stuff I'm doing. If you really want to know (yes, I thought not) then contact someone else. Ok, I'm trying to be funny and failing. If you can't take the piss out of yourself, I don't think you stand a chance of having a sense of humour!

The problem with blogging (or whatever the technical term is) is that everything is my opinion (more or less). Although some people might for some bizarre reason, want to know what I think about seemingly everything and nothing in particular, I'm sure all of about 3 people read this, including me and Johanna! I'm not going to voice my opinion about everything, because it's partly pointless and besides I don't have an opinion about a lot of things- things I don't understand or things I find boring etc. There's something that is kind of bugging me, but I can't be arsed to yack about it- time, effort, singling out someone in particular yada yada yada. Let's just say 'glory built on selfish principles is shame and guilt'....figure it out.

A thought that it's not all bad

We all have those moments where we think we aren't quite enough, from the work we do, to the person we are. Today I almost had one, but for whatever reason it rapidly changed to a positive:

Earlier today, we celebrated my co-ordinators new title of 'Professor', (my supervisor is has been a professor for many years, but in terms of paperwork is 'below' the coordinator...figure that one out, anyways I digress), so we cracked open the champagne and cake and all that....well done, yes.

It kind of puts me in that minion status, where I think, well what the hell have I done? I am a lowly Masters student, below the PhD's (who never seem to leave the lab), below the post-docs (who might as well sleep in the lab), below, well, everyone!

Ok, so this seems a self pity thing, diggin that hole, ready to jump in. However, despite the comment 'Oh I'm the only Professor in the family'..... pushing me down a notch, I thought, wait a minute: I'm not leading a completely normal life. I don't really ever sit here and think 'oh this is pants', because it never is- that would be a lie, which completely isn't just. We all want our C.V's to look impressive but I think it's the whole picture that counts. Im not going to list everything I feel I've achieved, but I can sit here with a smile on my face knowing I bet you my life the next person I meet won't have done what I've done, what I've achieved.

There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, I'm not saying I'm 'better' (whatever that means) than the next person or that they have less status than me; I love people telling me about their achievements- a sense of pride is a great characteristic. Yet, I know I can be proud of my situation, with the knowledge of my achievements. I have a lot more to put on the list and for every small moment where those crazy thoughts come in, 'I'm not enough', all I have to do is remember where I am and what I'm doing.

p.s. 3 Doors Down are upon us Thursday in Stockholm, rock on!! Here's one from the new album:

Decorating

Oh fun! Ok, not joking too much as the last two days have been an experience: since getting our keys on friday, we've been itching to get inside to start a few things. Johanna's dad (and brother) is kindly coming up in few weeks to fix some bits such as the floor etc, in the meantime we started painting!!

So now the kitchen has a coat of the good stuff, the living room ceiling has been done twice, and some of the cupboards (like inside) are now a lovely shade of white. Our (hopefully) pride and joy (well its fun for me, may be not for a Swede) is on the side of our fridge, we've used some paint that when sets can be used as a blackboard- good for the shopping lists etc! (or may be me being a kid).

Now though, we are both bolloxed, but its pretty exciting putting our own touch in our own place!!As Johanna said to me earlier, she wouldn't have guessed she'd be in Uppsala, with her own flat, living with an Englishman....she never was any good at predicting things (good news for me !!)