That next step in life

A little update for the blog, as it was Johannas birthday yesterday, she reached the grand old age of 21 (she wishes, haha) I thought Id try to do something nice for her. Ok, so the usual flowers, chocolates all that crap went out of the window, I mean being Swedish she probably preferred some meatballs, herring, Ikea voucher or some porn...you know, all the good stuff. However, as it felt kinda right, I did something slightly different and asked her if she wanted to marry me. Not the normal present I know, but weve been seeing each other for a year and 4 months and in a cheesy way we are very much in love: We work well together, we are both going in the same direction and look at life the same way, were both adventurous and we speak our mind, I could go on and on about all the stuff you look for in someone...but I know Ive found it with her.

Something which I believe people do wrong when it comes to marriage/engagement, is that they use it to turn over a new leaf, thinking something will change afterwards. To me, it might be seemingly pointless to get married, however it is just a symbol, just a small sign to show how I feel- as a person, I am no different, my values arent any different, I wont change my life because of this, I still love Johanna and always will. For me, putting a ring on her finger is to show her that she is the one for me, a ring to me contains a reminder of why we are together, it shows no control, bias or preference over any decisions made, it doesnt change where I want to go in life, it simply shows that Im the happiest person alive and Ive got a beautiful lady (and it shows Im taken, haha).

So marriage on the cards....definitely not yet, we are both studying, so its something to look forward too in around 2.5 years. A big fancy wedding, hmmm I think not, I am not one to spend thousands of pounds for 1 day, life is more fun, its the marriage thats important, not the wedding. In the meantime, here is a pic of the rings.....just to confuse you, no we are not in England (thank God) so over here the men get a ring too....basically engagement over here is like the wedding rings in England, so on the wedding day, Johanna gets a sparkly ring and I get bugger all....yeah this world isnt sexist.....

I Have Transformers

Ok, so films come and go, I've had my rant about Harry 'I can't act' Potter, but this little thing called the internet is useful for some things and downloading films is definitely one of the best. Ok, so it's probably highly illegal, but I mean copies have got to be somewhere, some film critic or some top dog is obviously accidentally leaking the film to someone, I bet for a handsome fee no doubt. But for those who haven't been to the cinema for a good while, you have missed some recent classics, from the gruesome and mindless violence of 300 to the blatant humour of Knocked Up. I have to mention just one though, that has captured the imagination of many- my nostalgia again kicks in here, because Transformers were the things dreams were made of. I mean how good was it having Optimus Prime as a real toy...I remember Kim (my sister) had my little pony...I mean come on, how much does that blow? Little gay horses with crappy nylon hair...the only good thing was target practise for Megatrons big ass gun....superb. So when they said they were going to make Transformers (yes I'm giving it a capital letter every time) in to a film, I was more than excited. The cartoon series was amazing, (ok at the time) with a mixture of almost mangaesque at times, with seemingly 'dubbed' American voices, sometimes mixed with random noises etc....ok, not doing it justice. However the point of this is, I have a lovely copy (thanks Felipe) of Transformers on my computer- gone are the days of my toys that turn in to robots and everyday objects oh no....they won't be forgotten, the film now has a different angle, yes great effects, great story (sort of!), great characters and yes the token potentially jail bate girl....playing a 'high school' kid, hmmm....don't worry folks (ok, just the men) she's 21 in real life, so all those thinking of yeah...you know what, it's ok...go ahead. So for your entertainment....the new....and the old.....



Those were the days...Good Vs. Evil, none of this PC crap....be careful because it might upset Osama and his mates

Owwww my brain hurts

Ahh the weekend, a time of relaxation, festive eating, drinking and everything that you don't do in the week. Well that would be the case, however my weekend has panned out a little differently- no not in a bad way, but all I've pretty much done is study!! Ahhh, my head has adopted a position where I can no longer look up, my arse is more numb than my bodies feeling in -30 temperatures, my writers bump on my finger looks like it's about to give birth and my head is full of soo much info, I think I'm not going to remember my own name. With all this said and done, I've learnt a lot, now I know how precious the outside world is, after spending at least 3/4 of the weekend indoors in my cave (ok room). My most eventful thing this weekend was deciding which orange to pick in ICA, oh life is full of tough choices. I'm glad to be pushing my brain to its limits, next on the list tonight is Swedish homework, ironically learning how to say 'My name is Mike'....well, sort of, I mean that was first lesson, we are way beyond that now...'My name is Mike and I'm 23'....bloody hell talk about pushing the boat out. It's amazing; however unable my brain is to function right this second, sarcasm is still coming out of it....hmmm, not understanding that one. Ok, so I'll tell a joke:
A woman in a bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

More bad parenting

Anthony Ganderton and Tracy Lyon, remember their names. No not for bravery, for finding a cure for the common cold, no no....but for awful parenting, which they've paid the ultimate price for. Basically, for those who don't know, their 10 year boy died after trying to rescue their 8 year old daughter from a 'pond'. Someone managed to save the girl, but the boy drowned, yes more bad news and quite tragic. However in England, we have Community Support Officers, basically policeman/women who patrol the streets, helping people etc...kinda like a non-violent, not quite powerful enough policeman/woman. Apparently as the story goes, this boy jumped in and 2 officers were called, however they didn't jump in to save the kids when they arrived. Seems a straight 'why not'...however there are parts of the story missing, timings etc. All I know is this, why is it someone else is always (whose job it is NOT) an easy scapegoat for crap parenting. Who would let an 8 year old and 10 year old just randomly go play and do what they like? Yes, I know kids are a pain in the arse and want to go out etc...but ever heard of the word 'supervision'....obviously not. People sometimes expect everything and give nothing in return. Bad parenting is not an excuse to blame others, just look at the state of these parents, absolutely diabolical, we've got some bad problems in England, kid behaviour one to name a few, but I think the source of this problem isn't the kids, who is responsible for them....yup....parents.



There are 2 sides of every story, however tragic this is, things happen for a reason. Why is it so hard to buy a house, a car, things we need to live, yet its the easiest thing to bring a life in to this world? A life that needs more care and attention than our own. Sad to say, but England has the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Europe (prob the world!), coupled with poor education...doesn't bode well for our future does it?........

My other baby (real one this time)

For some reason it wouldn't let me upload the image....but here she is, ahh my Tadashi Fuse, almost sexual.....grrrr, pair of P1 carbons, 23" centre stance, 15, -15, ahh perfect...

My other baby and a little bet

Just a quick thought; as it's getting a little chillier, a little darker, winter is in the air.....or rapidly approaching. Now some people would think this is a bad thing, but I have to disagree, for the one simple (ok it's actually very technical) reason....yes, snowboarding!! I pretty much watch boarding DVDs everyday, stare at my board...all the kinda obsessive stuff, but it's for a great reason, the reason what life is about....FUN! For those who think it's some 'cool' sport, don't be fooled, you need patience, be prepared to look an 'idiot' in front of other people, need a sense of what you want to be able to do and finally some balls! Getting over the fear of falling (generally) is a mental battle, not everyone can do. So just a mention of my Bro in Law, Rich, who managed to get over this mental and physical torture! I've got a spare board (or two), a brand new Atomic Axum Ltd Edition 156, pretty sweet, so the bet is on for this Xmas in Sälen- if Rich can do a cab 3 (a proper one, including nailing the landing/rotation etc) I'll give him the board, if not he'll probably die trying...the evidence speaks for itself....

This was after one day on the slopes

Al Qaeda (this one's a biggy)

So what's new here? Well not a lot, how is it that one 'man' can put such fear in to this world? Now being completely ignorant about religion.....by choice, I don't exactly know what Osama and his mates are really thinking. I mean he seems very touchy about so many things. Just recently in the news a Swedish cartoonist Lars Vilks, drew the head of Prophet Muhammed on the body of a dog. Now to any 'normal' person, this may be a bit dry, but on the whole, who actually cares? The whole point of Muhammed and his views are 'freedom of expression'...but seems there are boundaries to this, no not the killing of Innocent 'western' people, the global assassination of anyone that pretty much is supporting their own religion-deemed 'an enemy of Muhammed'....yadda yadda yadda.,,what absolute tosh.

Now conversely, the 'western' world also has some very profound religious views, it seems the States is full of religious nutters spreading the so called 'word of God'. I can see a slight problem in this, how the hell can you prove it? Now coming from a scientific background, accepting the 'existence' of something doesn't cut it for me. I need to know how! This is the basis of science, why and how? I don't think the States help itself by printing the life source (aka money) with 'in God we trust'....what does this mean? It's just like some fantasy world that overrules real life. People appear so humble in the presence of God...what!!I'm sorry, why is it the first thing a mass murderer will do is pray to God...mate he isn't going to save you. Why does this so called 'freedom of expression' lead to the complete opposite, fear, oppression, terror, death....God apparently chooses who lives and dies, so why is one 'man' allowed to do this? Osama must be the most contradictory twat on this planet. Albeit Mr. Bush isn't exactly far behind, but why is it this World wants to fight and kill each other to prove their 'God' is the true one, isn't the whole thing totally contradictory and religion isn't supposed to be used in this way, I thought it was all about acceptance?! Erm...not a chance.

So why does anyone bother with Religion...may be it's a good story, may be their life has absolutely no direction so they live in a fantasy land....who knows. Don't get me wrong, I've met some very nice religious people, but not one has tried to convert me or anything, which is where I see the true meaning of religion lies. Opinions are best kept to yourself, I don't need some neo Nazi cult telling me what to do, you learn right from wrong on the basis of what you are told in schools/news/media/parents, but despite this, if Mr. Brown told me to go kill someone, of course I wouldn't do it, it's morally wrong.

So where do you draw the line for morality and religion...letting some 'God' (someone please please prove it...Prove Adam and Eve...I mean come on, it's molecular genetics you morons) tell you what you should do with your life, worse of all, another real 'God' telling you to express yourself, but I don't think they meant go kill anyone that takes the piss out of you because you can't take a joke...stupid nutter. Imagine a world without religion? Peaceful right? Hmm probably not, no doubt we'd fight about something else, some 'powerful' leader would lose the plot and argue enough to provoke a war about something...'my country is better than yours', it's really like being back at school, petty arguing that turns in to mass murder, so slightly worse than school. Why is it a status in life to show how 'macho' we are...I can bomb all these countries and kill this many people...I wonder if Osama's mum every actually gave him a hug or that chat you have with your parents....you know, when you do something very stupid, but you're a kid, it's part of life (apparently). May be one day Osama might think 'oh dear, I've been a complete nob head, why don't I get a proper job and work, so I can see the world' .....haha, yeah right. This is a never ending debate, pro's and con's of religion, meaning of life and all that malarkey.

I think there's definitely one thing we can learn from this- please don't take things too seriously, jokes are funny because at least someone/thing is getting the mick taken out of them. May be Osama isn't targeting non Muslims....may be he's targeting anyone with a sense of humour, who knows, his cause is about as great as my ability to drive blindfolded. I guess I'm confused about why we fight over something that cannot be proved; after all history is only written by people who survived, who won, who spoke louder than the next person, it's always biased and always subjective....but I'm afraid that's life.

Svenska kursen

Hej hej, so now that I've had my first ever Swedish lesson, not quite fluent yet....give it a little time and I'll get there. I'm in a class with a myriad of nationalities (all from my Masters course), all totally inept and have no linguistical skills...ok harsh I know, but when you sit in a big circle, all say the same thing, then it gets to that one person after the 13th time, then they say 'what?'....lets just say I learnt more patience then Swedish. Ok, I'm not bad mouthing the lesson- I mean the teacher seems very good, was fun and now I have 'homework' or 'läxa' so it's like being back in school...oh nostalgia here I come. I can take solace in that my lovely Johanna has taught me a thing or two...proving men can actually listen....and store the information somewhere. Sitting there reminded me of an AA meeting, 'Hi I'm Mike and no I'm not an alcoholic, I'm an ignorant Englishman, brought up in the ways of modern English society- no not tea parties and crumpets, more 'everyone else can speak English so why bother''... I'll tell you why.....when that nosey bastard sitting next to you on the train/bus wherever decides to start giving you some jip....ok probably not nosey, lets say chav, about 15, big old belly hanging out (pregnant or obese- you pick), smoking a fag decides he/she is going to give you some lip, you tell him/her to go f**k themselves in another language, proving 2 things.....you are far more superior to whatever they will ever amount to and secondly, that we Brits can feel smug about something...I mean we invented the Chav, teenage pregnancy, drug dependency, crap cars and crap lifestyle, all of which we shouldn't be too proud of, so for just once in our lives, we can smirk just a little, knowing that we know something less than 99% of the population could ever know

....no not necessarily how to tell some little punk to 'f**k off' (as I would never condone swearing...that often) in Swedish but the fact....the idea that we can embrace a new culture without the fear that it's going to blow us up.

P.S. Speaking another language is great for pleading ignorance....it has to be worth learning for this reason alone!!

Best film of all time

Now this no doubt is a probing question, that potentially can cause arguments on a collosal scale. I mean there probably isn't one greatest film, there are too many categories and styles, from horror to girly soppy drivel to manly action packed mindless violence (yes we love it). I guess if I listed some, I would have to say up there in no particular order would be:
Shawshank Redemption, Crash, Lucky Number Slevin, Usual Suspects....the kind of 'thinking films' then theres comedies, Old School, Waynes World, Airplane, Animal House and finally just classics....Star Wars, Indy, and LOTR must be in there.

Notice how I havent included Harry Potter....for one simple reason- it's a load of shite. As part of our very important recreation time, we all do something similar.....we watch films, entertaining films to say the least, films that let us escape reality and take us to places other than the office etc etc. Let me ask this- what is the most annoying thing in the world? Well up there has to be reverse parking female drivers, politicians who never answer questions, people who mix liqorice with normal pic 'n' mix to contaminate every other sweet making them taste disgusting....and smug little English kids pretending they can act.
Why would you ever pay money to watch a little punk kid who sits on a broom, has an ugly ginger mate (and jailbate one too)and who continuously casts magical spells in order to appear entertaining? I mean JK Rowling must have been laughing when she came up with the idea.....but she knew she was on for a winner....lets come up with the most basic, boring idea for a story ever and make so many books and films, abusing the minds of simpletons who can't watch films like Star Wars because they appear 'complicated'.
One things for sure, I am definitely a Lord of the Rings fan....LOTR vs Harry...erm it's like Brazil vs England, there is only one winner....So in case you were wondering, no I won't be watching/reading...in fact doing anything related to Harry friggin Potter, who knows what the next few installments of this tedious series will be....'Harry Potter and his first shave'.....'Harry Potter and the imposing prison sentence'.....'Harry Potter and the order of his 5 children'.....'Harry Potter and the deathly disease picked up after one careless night'...'Harry Potter and the chamber..of the gun he shot his stupid ginger mate with'....this is like a Bond franchise gone horribly, horribly wrong. But to prove my allegiance is not biased here is a video I'm sure we've all seen but does put a smile on my face....

Gästrike-Hälsinge nation reccegasque

Ok, for those who don't know, Uppsala Uni has 13 different 'nations' so called originally based upon where you were born/live, so if you lived in Stockholm, you'd join Stockholm nation...makes sense right? Now though, anyone can pick any nation, so I ended up joining Gästrike-Hälsinge or GH for short (pronounced Gay-Whore....sort of, amusing hey?!) based upon they have 160 types of beer...yes the stereotypical drunk Englishman shines through here (Although I was with an Irishman at the time). Anyway these nations all hold 'gasques' or dinner parties (suit job) where you eat, drink and be merry. So being a gasque virgin, I decided to go down with Johanna to see what this was all about. Needless to say, Swedes can be very entertaining......the evening ended up being a singing fest of traditional GH songs and made up bits, one song taking the piss out of themselves, saying that Finnish people are much harder than they are, also one about nightmare mother in laws....that proved to be quite popular. I did however not understand any of this but luckily I had my pocket translator...ok Johanna helped slightly!! to get me through the evening. After many talks, drinking (not too much for me mind you), singing and smiling, the meal came to a close and farewells made. We ended up in another nation, had a dance...then called it a night. If I do say so myself, me and Johanna looked good, haha, I'm not up my own arse really, but events like this only come round once in a blue moon.



ABBA had re-emerged to the crouds delight

Swedes and tight tight trousers

If someone was to come up to you and offer you some jeans lets say, that fit around the waist, fit lengthwise but have one major flaw, that is they actually cut your balls off to the point where you now sound like a 10 year old school girl, have a sperm count way below par and make you look like a rampant homo, would you accept this generous offer? Well guess what folks, it seems everyone in Sweden has accepted this unsurpassed gift- wherever you look, masses of everyday people have these incredibly tight jeans on, admittedly on the ladies not too bad- after all I still don't think I've seen a fat Swede yet, but on men well that's something else entirely....not because sometimes you mistakenly stare at that nice arse and legs only to discover that nice arse and legs actually has something bulging downstairs and hasn't got boobs, but it just looks BLOODY AWFUL....ok, opinions are better kept to oneself sometimes, but how can the feeling that someone is squeezing your nads all day be nice? Baggy isn't always bad you know and I don't mean 'gangster' baggy, I mean 'let my blood circulate' baggy....this is one of the mysteries of life for me over here. I know us Brits are 'weird' because we have carpets everywhere in our house, we don't drink 14 cups of coffee a day and we don't like out of date pickled herring, but sometimes it's good to be different. With all this said and done, Johanna has overpowered me and I've turned slightly Swedish....no NOT the tight jeans, but may be the Grandad top...all I know is this, I'm definitely not going to win any fashion awards..........

P.S. I was doing my weather person impression

Sad September

I think this month has been one of the saddest on record yet....putting aside all the 9/11 bits, we seem to have lost a fair few legends, that ultimately didn't 'deserve' to leave us- Cliche as it sounds there is some truth in this. I think what annoys me the most about this tragic sphere we call Earth is with all the pain and suffering, brought about by mindless self obsessed idiots, that this so called 'fate' always seems to balance at a slightly off centre angle. I mean why can't the people who threaten to bomb the world, kill innocent people, destroy our way of life....you know what I'm getting at....actually get what's coming to them. May be they will....it seems the so called light at the end of tunnel is actually a myth, a false hope at best...or may be being cynical is the only light at the end of a very long tunnel.

So what do we learn from this....hmmm....tough call, I guess more cliche is in order and to go about life as if it was/is special....I don't know, say go to the gym when you can't be arsed, go for a walk in the rain, let the old granny out of a junction, smile, say hi to passers by, say thanks for even the smallest gesture...the list is endless, but the purpose is not. Even the smallest thing on this planet strives to become 'better' with one possible exception....humans....ok, may be the ones who succeed see this 'meaning' in life and may be there are some good people out there; so for those who we have lost recently, I believe should be placed on a pedestal- put up there with the greats, think about what they have achieved in their life....what do you want out of yours?


Jane Tomlinson- 43, raised over 1.75 million pounds for charity


Anita Roddick-64, founder of the Body Shop


Colin Mcrae- 39, first Brit to win World Rally Championship


Luciano Pavarotti, 71- possibly one of the greatest classical singing entertainers ever

We don't need to achieve excellence in order to make a change, even though this is a nice goal for many, the result in 'failure' is great though if this is your target, but for those people who are unhappy with life, if you only ever do one thing, just one thing...make sure you get inspired, what's the point otherwise?

I stand corrected

Good start to the Swedish lesson...as my darling girlfriend has pointed out to me....Jävlar does not mean 'f**k' it is just on a par with our f-word!!! You've been warned.

P.S. Start them young hey??!

Svenska here I come

Ok, as I have a Swedish girlfriend (Johanna), am in Sweden and everything is in Swedish, I thought I'd better try to speak the lingo (against my better judgement). Now this isn't as easy as it sounds, afterall the place where Johanna studies is called Gävle (yeah-vler) and for the unassuming tourist the world for f**k is Jävlar (yeah-vlar), so which cleverarse decided to name a town and a dirty word for shagging as the most similar sounding thing ever...I mean a deaf mute stands a better chance of hearing the difference. So when the security guard at the airport stopped me and opened my bags in Sweden, he asked where I was going and I said 'yeah-vler' or so I thought, he did say 'what?' very quickly afterwards, so I'm guessing I didn't get it quite right...thats my inspiration for going to Swedish classes....!!

Please please please go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=She1zfDo8ys and also try lesson 1 if you can get it to work.....enjoy!

Alter Bridge

For those who have no idea about music...no James Blunt isn't talented, neither is Rihanna or hmmm...no sorry can't name any other current bands as they are beyond as the Swedish would say 'skit'....slightly similar to an English word starting with 's' and ending with 't'. Any way, just to educate a few lost souls out there, Alter Bridge are a 'rock' band, meaning they have a bass and a guitar, no Cold Play, Razorlight, Travis and every other exactly the same sounding Indy type band are not 'rock'...they are 'crap' (I'm moaning again,hehe). Where was I?.....ah yes, Alter Bridge formed after Creed, from which the lead singer was dumped (too much alchol, same old story) and replaced by the most amazing singer Myles Kennedy. The talent is not limited there, but probably the mortar amongst the bricks is the legendary Mark Tremonti, who is the best guitar player there has ever been....officially. A new album is beconing and for those who haven't heard an Alter Bridge song, go to youtube and look for 'open your eyes' or 'in loving memory' or just 'Alter Bridge'! Erm...my master plan was to put the song on here but it doesn't work- b******s! Next option is go to www.youtube.com and type in the search 'alter bridge rise today'....easy as pie.

Ok...I know you are lazy so here is 'Open Your Eyes' with the proper video. Here is 'In Loving Memory' with some random video (it's the song that counts)

Films galore!!

As a tax dodging, pennyless, bone idol student (oh yes, if anyone else says 'you've never done an honest days work in 23 years' again, I will kill them) you get some downtime (not much, believe me) so after this wonderful invention called the internet (no it's not just used for email and porn....but they are fringe benefits I guess) and with the aid of some computer minded friends, I have managed to watch the Simpson's Movie, Spidey 3 and Knocked Up for starters...all classic films. No I'm not going to do a review or any of that malarcky as I'm not some dictator telling you what to think...but if I may say something on a sore spot at the mo; yes the Madeline McCann thing, just imagine if it was a typical Mum in England (sorry Kim, you aren't in this category) but single, about 15, owns multiple pairs of Reebok classics, likes getting high and drunk, has 3 boyfriends, thinks 'The Sun' is advanced reading material and gets a quid a week from the government (yeah I wish) was to 'lose' her baby/kid...would the rest of the world be giving little Chav Mum an ounce of sympathy...think 'lynching' wouldn't be far from what people would be thinking. So that's my little moan, something us Brits, men in general and probably just me is very good at doing. But, I'll try to put a smile on that face of yours, by getting you involved in the Simpsons....officially one of the best programmes ever, Homer we salute you!!!

Just trying to put a picture of me on here! Sorry for the delay in news!

Sorry for the lack of update on this thing...bet its really not too exciting, been busy studying and seemingly writing an endless amount of notes on stuff I did 5 years ago...must be getting old coz damn it's hard to remember stuff. So I'll just leave this post here and talk about something good on the next one.