Some inspiration

Well it has been a while. Me writing a ‘real’ post I mean. The reason for me to start now? Well nothing in particular. I guess blogs are designed to be written to provide an ulterior point of view, to show a small window in to my life etc. Well yes I am useless at keeping in touch with everyone. Nothing is impossible (or so they say) yet letting people know where you are/what you are doing feels extraordinarily difficult.

I hear bits and bobs from back (not) home. I’m in the middle of a slight predicament regarding all my crap that I have left. The fact that every second I think about England paints an even worse picture than the one before really doesn’t help. I don’t want to go back, not even with a very big excuse! Historically it’s a funny thing- I mean nearly every country on this planet hates England, let alone in the modern world, being buddies with the good old US of A has further increased our popularity. I think times are changing, may be a huge uprising is on the horizon. There aren’t too many English people who actually like England. Whilst most bitch and moan about the state of the place, these same people won’t do anything about it. A threat to leave is as useless as a chocolate teapot, if you don’t like it, do something about it. My plan was to mass emigrate to say India, Pakistan, Poland, Hungary, errm…..you know the likes of countries, may be give ‘em a taste of their own medicine. Controversial? Hmmmm.

Anyways, the point being for those who don’t read this a mini congrats/thanks to at least my cousin (I think) Zoe for probably being the cleverest (is that a real word?!) person in the family (sorry Gary). My grandparents for their 50^th Anniversary (right or wrong?!). My sister for moving (does that warrant a congrats?!) Erm… probably the best, but a big shout out to my auntie Vi (technically or just one of those everyone female and older than you is an Aunt?!) who gave Johanna a happy 21^st birthday card, just some 7 years too late, haha. Brilliant.

Anyway, I digress. The big news was on that fateful last Monday, was mine and J’s 2 year engagement anniversary (yeah I know they celebrate anything these days I hear you say) as well as the already mentioned birthday of my älskling. I am not a hopeless romantic; I’m just hopeless I think. May be my heart is in the right place, but my ability to show such things is lacking. It’s always tricky to show someone you love them by well, splashing your money around?! Doesn’t make sense, very ironic, isn’t it that ‘the best things in life are free’ (lets agree to disagree). Anywhizzle (like most of today’s youth I can make up words too), I love you Johanna, you are the best thing since, oh lets just say something cliché like, well, sliced bread (seriously you are amazing though).

More about me I hear you cry, well thanks for asking, my PhD is going as any PhD goes, you spend more time realizing you know nothing about a lot. I will be giving my first lecture soon, my supervisor adding ‘you can do it in English if you want’. Erm, funniest thing I’ve heard in a while. I would be standing in front of 40 Swedes, opening line of ‘hej, jag heter Mike’….even a retarded monkey can figure that one out. Ok, seriously things are good, I have the potential to get my name on possibly 3 papers within the next 6 months, then really focusing on my own stuff (ask me questions if you really really really want to know how it all works).

A good friend over here has officially taught me how to become an alcoholic. Mr. Beyer has taught me how to open bottles of beer with a lighter or back end of a fork etc. Admittedly I have lots of red patches where the skin on my right hand is no more through failed attempts and slippage of my hand straight against the lovely metal edge of the bottle top (long sentence right?). But I’m pretty sure I’m a pro now, apparently my Master says you can do it with rolled up paper too, so that’s next weeks trick.

Well the last thing in my monologue, typically boring for everyone except myself actually. But I played the first competitive squash league match for oh around 4 years. Because there are only a few teams in each league, you turn up at the club (in this case was in Stockholm), 5 other teams arrive, you play 2 matches in one day then the next match is like a month away. Well yes I did win both matches, again thanks for asking. In fact (not blowing my own trumpet- or whatever the phrase is. That one sounds very very dodgy) I played really well. So much so, that the owner of the club (ok, didn’t offer me a lucrative squash contract worth about 5 quid a match) gave me the phone numbers of the clubs no 1 and 2, who turned out to be the no 1 and 10 in Sweden (respectively). She told me I was a ‘talent’, at first getting ready to give her a slap for being sarcastic, but slowly understanding the situation. To put it mildly (man I really sound arrogant now) I di*ked on my opponents (again, lovely terminology) inspired by new racket (shameless plug for a Wilson Kfactor Tour) and a point to prove. So I’ve got 4/5 years to get my ass in to the top 20 in Sweden, realistic?! Erm….lets just wait and see.

Ok, I’ve brushed the arrogance off my shoulders now. The main thing is that life is good. I’m sorry if I’ve wasted 10 minutes of yours reading this. Thanks to the people around me, thanks to my Adidas Stabil S’s, in limited edition grey (Oh sorry I thought I was a sports celebrity then, just putting my sponsors out there, you know, haha, yeah right). Ok, ok, I’ll stop being stupid now.

The snow is soon coming (well hopefully), I’ll literally get my skates on this year (well next too) and get my board(s) out for some good riding too. If you want to come over for a ski trip/ weekend/ not to see us etc please come over. I shall keep you informed of our antics. I’m tired so will end with a joke:

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'

"But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"